Resolve to Deal with Your Drama!

A Buddhist Story About Two Arrows and What We Can Learn:

When life presents challenges—obstacles, chaos, or whatever word you choose to describe events that cause suffering—it's because you're either getting what you don't want or not getting what you want. This creates suffering. These two basic principles are what we call challenges or problems. 

But here's the question: is it the event itself that causes the suffering?

This describes the first arrow. You can't control it, for the most part. The arrows seem to be already in flight and hit us at different times. Some people are hit earlier in life, some later, but no one escapes the golden archer's arrows. They puncture us, and some of them come in a series while others are spread out. The timing and degree of these arrows are not ours to decide. As I said, they are already in motion. The best we can do is recognize that they will come and be ready to handle whatever life gives us.

The first arrow represents the 100% outer life experience. It could be a health crisis, financial hardship, a divorce, kids pulling the cereal boxes down in the store, the death of someone close to you, your boss, job or any other challenge life might throw at you. This is the first arrow—something you can't avoid. It's going to happen.  What you can avoid, however, is the second arrow.

The second arrow is the psychological suffering that follows. It's the mental anguish we experience from not getting what we want, or getting what we don't want. This is when the ego—the self-concept you've created and believe to be you—goes into overdrive. It reacts with anger, sadness, frustration, and a range of other emotions. The ego uses these emotions to create mental suffering, which is what the Buddha refers to as “all of life is suffering”.

It's the second arrow that bothers us the most. It's rarely the experience itself that causes lasting suffering, aside from the initial shock of the first arrow. For example, if someone punches you in the face, you'll feel the immediate pain, the ringing in your ears, and maybe even taste blood. But at what point do you stop feeling the first arrow? An hour? A day? Maybe longer if it's a particularly strong blow? But eventually, the pain fades. The only suffering left is the psychological suffering—the second arrow.

In the case of the punch, you might start avoiding places where it happened, or replay the event in your mind, thinking about what you should've done differently or how you're going to get even. You might build an entire narrative around that event. This is where the suffering comes in—not from the punch itself, but from your mind's continuous focus on it. This is living through the ego. You suffer when you live in the personal mind.

What happens if the second arrow doesn't hit? It's like writing on water—the event/pain comes, and then it's gone. The ripple fades, and the water returns to stillness. You take whatever steps are necessary to address the situation—maybe pressing charges, maybe not—but you don't do it to make yourself feel better. Why? Because that doesn't work. Sure, you might feel temporarily better, but when the next arrow comes, you'll find yourself in the same cycle, trying to fix the psychological pain. I like to think of this as the suffering merry go round. You never get anywhere yet you think you are.

This is how many people live: the first arrow hits, and then they spend their time trying to fix the second arrow, trying to reduce their mental suffering. 

And so it goes, from one arrow to the next.

The alternative is to simply allow life's arrows to come. Don't resist them. Use each experience as an opportunity for personal and spiritual growth. Allow the event to touch you fully, then let it go. The experience no longer lingers in your life or runs it. It's gone. The second arrow never hits. You'll still take action, build a life, create a business, make money, have children, take vacations, exercise—you'll still do life—but you'll no longer be doing it through the lens of the second arrow. You'll be living in harmony with life, not the suffering that comes from the second arrow.

This is the essence of untethering your soul. You're not seeking liberation foryourself. You're seeking liberation fromyourself—liberation from the second arrow.

Where do you start? Right now. Let go of whatever is bothering you. It won't matter in a few days, so why suffer now? Take a deep breath. Relax. Let life engage with you. Let it dance with you. As you continue this practice, you'll create more space between the first and second arrows. The second arrow will have a much harder time reaching you.

And just to be clear, the second arrow will still come. There will be more arrows, and they may be stronger and more powerful than before. But you'll be more seasoned, more able to see them coming from further away. You'll be able to move and dance with them, and they won't pierce you. Eventually, they'll be so far away, they'll seem like distant stars. ~ Written by A. Hergenrother